What do I want?

How many times have I heard myself ask me this, 'what do you want'?  I think I would (as cliche as it sounds) be a very wealthy women.  It is even one of the lines in my play.  I remember hearing one of the most amazing public speakers ask the same thing.  Rick Goings asks a bunch of Nutrimetics women at their annual convention, 'What do you want your life to look like'?
Yesterday I began to ask myself this.  With much more intensity in the question.  What is it that I want?  
In recent times I have joined survey groups, looked at online money generating programs and programs about how I can become an earning machine without going any further than my own office chair.
In no way do I mock such money making tools because I am one of the many looking for an answer to the finacial questions.  Plus there are many people who are gratefully reaping in the rewards of such programs.  I also am hoping I will see the benefit of such a good income.  I just have one question for myself though, 'is it really what I want'?
Now of course I want finacial freedom.  Who doesn't in this day and age.  There is so much woe when it comes to money.  Whether I have just enough or breaking even or not quite there or always being behind and never seeing an end to the bills mounting up, the money problem still exists.
The beginning of the year for my family is always an expensive time.  There seems to be one bill after the other and it keeps coming. That is the reason why I am investing in money making programs.  The question for me though is, 'is this what I want'?  Let me just say again though, I do want to be one of those people who generate an income from the internet but I can honestly say, it is not the core of what I really want. 
Sometimes I see myself looking down.  I feel like I am hovering over me looking at what I am doing or what I want to do. I become the observer of my own life rather than the participater.  I see me trying to move in the direction I want to go but never really moving from the spot I am standing.  That frightens me because time continues and I am missing the part which I am be to be involved in.
My last post was all about me becoming a writer & an actor There are times when the last thing I want to do is write. 
The cost of being a writer isn't that much but price, is very expensive.  And if I am sensible I would go back to work and earn a living.  Both writing and acting is not big on the money stakes.  You don't get paid (to begin with) very much and to so either means sometimes waiting for that final break.  The hours are long and so is the waiting. I've been writing and acting off and on for most of my life.  Out of the 2, acting has been more profitable.  But in 44 years of trying to 'make it' I have earned about $5000.  Those odds suck.
The thing is though, when I asked myself that question of what I want to do, it was without a doubt, 'Be a writer'.  What's funny is, I have waited so long in my life to even be recognised, I can wait a little longer to see the reward of my efforts. I WANT TO BE A WRITER AND I WANT TO BE AN ACTOR.
Too many times I have let my dream pass and dismissed it in my life but I really do want to be a writer and I really do want to act and I do really want to be good at what I do and be taken seriously in this chosen craft.
I don't proclaim I am the best or that I should be up there with Dench, Streep & Depp but I do want it to be part of my life.  If I bomb out, then I bomb out.  If I suck at it, I suck at it, it won't stop me from  writing or acting no matter how big or small.  I will continue to do it because I love it.
Getting back to my hopeful money making programs, I believe it can work to my benifit.  Not everyone will see my blog and so I could luck out there when I continually put the 'Click here' button but as long as I am still writing then that's ok too: money or no money.  Plus I am still being a writer and I am still seeing my dreams come to existance by every entry I put on this blog.  I am a writer!  Doesn't matter how much or how little, I am writing and that is all that matters to me.  I may be missing out on the money side of things but when you do what you love, money is just a bonus.
I worry a little though.  My worry is running out of things to write about or commentate. 
Next year I hopefully will be in Paris learning about how to write my Memoirs.  I have wanted to join this group for the last 2 or 3 years.  I pine to be on this trip.  The trip to Paris is all part of the journey for me in being a writer and in someway I feel it will cement my passion for writing, so of course money is all part of getting there.  At the bottom of this page is a link to becoming a writer.  It is worth taking a look at if you also want to be a writer and have had a hard time trying to find the right door to your writing dream. 
I'm still have a long way to go with my writing too.  I feel I have still so much to learn with writing and all that goes into it.  I've got lots of unfinished works to get through too and am keen to see them published one day.  This is why I am inviting you to check out this program which will get you on your way.
Click here to find out how you can become a writer too.
PS if you want to write your memoirs a good text book is by Patti Miller, 'Writing your life. A journey of discovery' she gives you the right tools to use with your memoirs.
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