Part 2

Continuing on my thoughts from yesterday about what I have accomplished in my quest for the 'nothing theory'.
Had to stop for a breath. I have 2 demanding girls who just want my time. As we all know it is hard to stay focussed doing most of anything when children are involved. There's the discipline though. It is a hard ask to keep doing what I was doing with clarity when my girls are wanting attention. They will probably demand my attention in the next 5 minutes so I better be quick.
As far as the year has gone, I have not done 'nothing'. I have been part of some really rich experiences which will stay with me for a long time to come. This year I got to work as a cook at my daughters preschool. Feeding 2 children everyday and figuring out what to feed them is a challenge in itself but feeding 80 children 5 days a week is a big big challenge.
To begin with, it wasn't the easiest job. I had lots to get in order. Making menus, organising my time and keeping the ideas fresh every week was a big job. I thought A la carte was a hard but try keeping 2 year olds interested in the variety I tried to give them. Now that's hard. Children are the fussiest eaters on the planet.
For the year of 2011, I got to work with some beautiful kids. I will miss them all. There were favourites, I must admit. There wasn't ment to be but you can't help it. Some of the most gorgeous kids there who will stay close to my heart. It was rewarding to be a part of it all.
One of the biggest rewards was seeing beautiful belle become independant and confident. I have seen so many positive things happen to her and it was sad to have to finish but I can only believe her next carer will be even better than me. To be able to see the changes in Belle this year was fantastic but I say, 'Watch out world, here comes Belle'. She will go far. I believe whole heartedly. I have to.
Other things the 'nothing theory' concluded for me was, how much I am loved. How much I have contributed to my life, to others and how much others have contributed to my life. The team I worked with in the centre was the best team of people I have worked with for a long time. Being a part of their lives has enriched my life too. They are strong, loving and independant women who give love and are loved. I was the fortunate one. Thank you ladies.
I may not have had a block buster year, with big acting parts or written a book that history will remember for years to come but it has been full of impact and reward. It has been a rich year, which will stamp itself in my history and that certainly is enough for me.

Just curious, I guess.

Here I am thinking my blog is not worth much. I just check out my stats and people have visited. Wow!!! I sometimes stare at the computer and wonder what I should write about. I don't even think my writing is all that witty or extrodinary but somewhere in this cyber world, I might be a friendly set of pros someone finds interesting enough.
I mean the whole idea for this blog was to put a theory to the test. If I did nothing, would something happen. Not forgetting, sitting on my bottom wasn't in the experiment.
Well what did happen? Well things did happen and things didn't happen.
I am not the worlds most famous playwrite or writer, nor am I getting the big bucks for block buster movies. However, I did get my play going somewhere. Although it did stop halfway through the year, it will be back on track next year.
Me and husband bought a house. Now that is exciting!!! I was in my first paid TVC. I am yet to see myself. I was in a short film.
This was the best because the director wanted me in her film. She said she was anxious to meet me and have me in her film. I felt such a compliment by that. What a boost to the confidence.
I also went to Melbourne and participated in a writers workshop with Patty Miller. Whom I intend to go to Paris with in over 2 years. It was a remarkable weekend because it set up something for me. The weekend wasn't a lightning bolt effect but it showed me, it is up to me to make it all come together. I am glad there wasn't emotion involved a way I had to consciously make a decision to write. Plus I got to listen to the stories of 15 other women who have a passion for life and who want to world to see their passion. It was rewarding to sit in the room with such rich presence and really listen and learn. My life is by far small compared to their stories yet not so insignificant my contribution didn't have an impact.

Where do I go from here

'Now what', would be the question I am asking myself. I kind of a little lost. There is so much in front of me to do but I feel reluctant to move forward. No real reason why I am feeling this way. I can't even explain it.
In fact I would have to say I am rather comfortable here. I am not in a hurry to move either. Which is kind of disturbing. I should feel anxious about being comfortable. Maybe this is all part of life. It's kind of nice come to think of it. To be so at ease with it. It takes away the pressure of having to 'do stuff'.
And yet I am doing exactly what I want to do..writing.. Bit of a 'der' moment... I am writing as I sit here contemplating my life. So my goal and dreams are still on track.

leaves me wondering..

It's funny..What gets said in jest or even in a heated moment can leave you wondering. We are such ignorate creatures, sometimes we don't even know if the words in anger or in jest that they can build or distroy. The weird thing is, I can't actually comment on the words said for fear of the net being my worst enemy (unbeknowns to the net) would somehow make it to the person who said it.
I will say though, it has left me a little numb and prayful to some answers. Yet I am too afraid to confront in case the situation my take a sad corner. However I will say I am not too scared of the outcome, just what might be thought of me for even considering anything other than words said in the heat of the moment.
Ah theres the rub though. Do the words mean more? Is there more to it than just surface words. If someone says they would move on (for example) does it actually mean the person has already considered it?
Leaves me wondering.

living through my children

The one thing I pride myself in is letting my girls do what they want to do when it comes to activities. I thought I was a good parent who didn't sucome to the temptation of living my dreams through them. When I was little all I wanted to do was dance. My mum and dad couldn't afford it and having 4 other brothers and sisters ment money had to stretch a long way.
Today however I question myself on my parenting. I send my girls to ballet at least twice a week. The thing about my oldest daughter is she when it was time to be ready for dance, she couldn't find her dance shoes nor did she groom herself for her lesson. I was so mad. Her shoes weren't to be found and the more I looked and couldn't find them the angrier I got.
I got her to ballet with apologies in toes, excusing her to her teacher for her slack attitude. Then it dawned on me. Am I angry at her for her behaviour or am I angry she shouldn't be treating something like ballet so casual because I never had the opportunity to be a dancer....so I am giving her a hard time because she is treating it all too slack when I would have been more diligent? But then would I have had the same attitude as a 9 year old? Maybe I would be just the same.
I think I will apologise for my attitude.

Try looking at it a different way

OK, OK...so my theory on, 'do nothing' wasn't as successful as I had hoped...I am not saying it was a total waste of time because some things did happen but the theory probably needs a tweak here and there...
Let's face it, as well, my doing nothing as allowed me a perfect excuse not to do anything....However that being said, I did have some things happen which somehow may have proven the 'doing nothing' theory may have worked...
Who am I kidding...I got a job..which some might argue, this is a natural part of life, especially when my youngest is now at school. Loads of women go back to work when all their children go to school. It's a great job..but I was looking forward to just being at home....unfortately this is no longer the luxury I as a women can participate in...it is the way the world is going. In a perfect world staying at home would be brilliant but having money has helped the family budget so much more.
I suppose you could argue while doing nothing a job fell into my lap and I would have to agree, it did...the job I have did fall into my lap...no interview process or anything (Love that). My employer asked, 'Would you work as a cook here' and I said, 'yes'..so there you go...I did nothing and got a job for my trouble..