The last couple of days and some...

Well if anyone said 'writing on a blog is easy', then they don't know me.  I don't always come up with subject to write on and I don't necessarily have a wit of thinking where I can grab a piece of paper and write my inner most thoughts down.  When I do have those times, it's usually when I am without paper and they are for that moment.  This ticks me off though because it's gold and I want to express what I am thinking.  Then when I get the pen & paper or to the computer, I've either forgotten what it is I was thinking or the time has passed and I can't remember or put into words what it is I have been wanting to write.
A couple of days ago I was having one of those moments and lucky for me, I can remember a little of what was going through my head.  I was pondering about history.  I'm not sure what history or who's history but just history in general.  It got me to thinking though about the history man leaves on this world and how life has be shaped by the history of 1 or 2 and many individuals.
There are some individuals like Hitler who took away the lives of many and shocked everyone by the disgrace he put on human kind from his black heart and his murderous insane mind.  A history we must never forget or repeat. 
Then we look at Mother Teressa who tried to preserve life and show us how much we need to remember those who are poor (not just in the physically but spiritual too).  How much she was our gift and by her own example she shaped the world to be a better place.  This we must remember.
Who could not forget the history of 1 student  who gave to the world.  A victorious history of standing up to injustice and wanting to show and change the situation he was in.  He was standing up and standing his ground for human kind, his country men and himself to say, 'we are not prepared to take this anymore'. Putting himself in front of the tank with white flags in his hand, in China.  Such an image I will remember for the rest of my life.  He created history which made the world take notice.
One more image I believe has brought a history about it.  In the 90's one of our national sports AFL (football) was playing it's grand final.  The teams were, The Adelaide Crows & St Kilda.  It was a battle but only 1 victorious winner.  Adelaide won that day and of course St Kilda were devastated but the siren had just gone and one Crows player made his way to one of the St Kilda players before he rejoiced in his teams victory. The camera caught a moment in history. The Crows player Andrew Mcleod embraced his opponents Nicky Winma.  It was a selfless act.  Not only had Nicky lost the game but that week Nicky lost a member of his family and Andrew forgot just for a moment his own glory to focus on Nicky.  It was a moment in time that even now moves me to tears and it created history.  It made front page news and I am sure moved a lot more people to tears too.
For me I have to think about what history I can create.  My daughters are the most precious thing in my life.  What history can I give them or the world?  What will they or people remember me for?  How can I give something to the world which will make them stand still and maybe ponder about their own lives?
Will I be remembered by my daughters because I loved them much or because I was complacent and didn't contribute to them or the world?  That my life was hum drum and I did nothing to inspire them to go for their dreams.  It's funny, I give my girls a hard time about showing they are committed to their dance and drama, their school and community.  Then I have to think about following my own example.  If I myself am not prepared to show my level of commitment to my writing, acting, French, my health and fitness, then what right do I have to expect it of them. What example am I prepare to give and then leave my daughters which will create a history for them to remember.
Making my history for the world is not about getting recognition but about how I invest in my world.  I've always wanted to make magic or do something where people are changed or thought about their own lives.  Where I can make a difference in this world and have something to offer.
However at the end of the day is the history I leave to the world about the big things I do or the little things?  They both are as important as the other.  My daughters are not necessarily going to remember me for the amount or books I wrote.  It will be for the amount of time I spent reading to them. Nor will they remember the amount of times I showed love to other people but how much I showed them love or played with them or came to their concerts and how much time I spent just being there.  I am still perfecting parenting and motherhood. I am not sure if I will ever get it right.  I'm pretty critical of myself.  All I can do is try to make my history count regardless of how big or how small.  Everything we do in this life has an impact.  We just got to remember the impact we create in our history is a history worth remembering.