I actually want to go back to bed and start the day again. My mood is somewhat melancholy to the point of sadness. It should be a day to rejoice. Jesus is alive! This should be enough to raise ones spirit but I am not rejoicing. I feel yuk. My cloak of trivial sadness is heavy and unwanted but I can not shift it or remove it. It is too snug.
What I hate about my cloak is, it is somewhat comfortable. I don't want to take it off yet I wish it was off because I don't seem to function. My interest in doing anything is limited and I want to stay in one spot like the chair or the bed.
My mind is clouded and compressed. It feels like I have a headache but with out the pain. I want this day to be different. I need to get out of this house even for 1 hour. Just to clear my head or feel like I am feeling.
There is so much to be celebrating today. It's Easter! But I can't shake this feeling of inadequate sensation. Everything is moving about me but I stay still and don't get out of my spot. I am so aware of my own emotion and the emotion fears with in me arise.
A sense of failure is looming. My husband is cleaning the car out. One daughter is cleaning the dishes, the other is sitting with me oblivious to my inner commotion. I feel I should be doing something or be judged by myself from doing nothing.
You are probably wondering why such blah, blah coming your way. It's because I need to just do something, write/type it down. I internalize too much and to share it with my friends (that's you) is a way I can monitor my own emotions.
I told you once before, I find it hard to begin a conversation about how I am feeling. It is not easy for me just to open up the communication lines with, 'I am feeling....'. This is the best way I can open up. To everyone who does read my blog, I would suggest you are reading my diary. I keep not a lot to myself when I write. Blame it on Julia is a great way for me to vent and express how I am going and feeling. As I am communicating all of this on the virtual paper, the cloak is getting a loser and my compressed headache is starting to lift.
I love writing! It really is changing and altering my sensation of sadness. I am starting to feel I can function and move about. What is it about this form of craft which can move the state of mind in a different direction.
Maybe now I can begin to focus on what today is all about. A day to rejoice. Christ is risen, he is risen indeed.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
proud to say
I am now proud to say my play was brilliant. Everything went just as it need to. The whole show was just the best and I am grateful for every one involved, from sound to lighting to backstage crew to front of house. To be a part of it all was amazing and I couldn't have done it without any of them.
My fellow actors were right on the money. They shone brightly and my light shone a little brighter because of them. Thank you Laura for being my support and the best gal for the job. JC, you were the best director, mentor and teacher.
Second half actors, WOW...WOW!! You rock! You are some of the best talent Sydney has to offer and I can only believe your work will increase and your profile has been made bigger. Thank you so much. There would not have been a show without you.
To me, Lizz, how proud I am of you. Again you showed yourself you can be great and share what God has given you with the world. We did it girl! Thank you for not putting this one on the shelf and walking away. If you had, you might have missed out on the blessing of the crowd and the blessing of a great show.
My fellow actors were right on the money. They shone brightly and my light shone a little brighter because of them. Thank you Laura for being my support and the best gal for the job. JC, you were the best director, mentor and teacher.
Second half actors, WOW...WOW!! You rock! You are some of the best talent Sydney has to offer and I can only believe your work will increase and your profile has been made bigger. Thank you so much. There would not have been a show without you.
To me, Lizz, how proud I am of you. Again you showed yourself you can be great and share what God has given you with the world. We did it girl! Thank you for not putting this one on the shelf and walking away. If you had, you might have missed out on the blessing of the crowd and the blessing of a great show.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Today's the day
Well folks, it's taken 3years, countless rewrites and hours of rehearsal & an almost shelved project to get to this point for my play to be where it is today. I'm still in a daze in many ways but it's actually happening! People are paying money to come and see 'A middle age heaven', my play. I couldn't be happier at this moment. Whatever happens after this, well that's irrelevant because something I wrote is going to be displayed to an audience. No concerns or worries (at this point), just peace and a sense of achievement.
Just writing that sentence then has made me emotional and I am overwhelmed by how it has all come together. I wish you all could be there, where ever you are but it you watch out I will let you know when it will be on Youtube. I don't profess it to be the best play or the play that changed the world but my hope is people are just entertained and had a giggle or 2.
Thanks for reading and catch you all after the play and after much celebration.
Lizz
Just writing that sentence then has made me emotional and I am overwhelmed by how it has all come together. I wish you all could be there, where ever you are but it you watch out I will let you know when it will be on Youtube. I don't profess it to be the best play or the play that changed the world but my hope is people are just entertained and had a giggle or 2.
Thanks for reading and catch you all after the play and after much celebration.
Lizz
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Days of Blah..
Do you have days when the word, 'ordinary', is the best way to discrible how you are feeling. Well I am experiencing just that, ordinary.
I don't have anything to complain about, I am not stressed or have anything to worry about really. I just feel ordinary. Infact I feel like a plank of wood. This in itself it the silliest way to describe the sensation, I mean I am sure the plank would take offense but it is the best way I can think of my mood.
Maybe indifference, nonchalant, unmoved? No, nothing. Shakespear said in King Lear, 'Nothing comes of nothing'. I actually think this is quite profound. If you feel nothing than nothing will become of it. If you give nothing, nothing will return to you. If nothing is what you expect, than nothing is what you'll get.
Gosh I am melladramatic and pathetic in my mood. That being said, it is the end of this post because I have nothing more to add (chuckle).
Lizz
I don't have anything to complain about, I am not stressed or have anything to worry about really. I just feel ordinary. Infact I feel like a plank of wood. This in itself it the silliest way to describe the sensation, I mean I am sure the plank would take offense but it is the best way I can think of my mood.
Maybe indifference, nonchalant, unmoved? No, nothing. Shakespear said in King Lear, 'Nothing comes of nothing'. I actually think this is quite profound. If you feel nothing than nothing will become of it. If you give nothing, nothing will return to you. If nothing is what you expect, than nothing is what you'll get.
Gosh I am melladramatic and pathetic in my mood. That being said, it is the end of this post because I have nothing more to add (chuckle).
Lizz
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Not my thing
Technology! Can't live with it, can't live with out it. At best it really p's me off. As I am sure it does most people. It is the necessary evil we had to have and now we have to live with. The thing is, now I can't go with out it whether it be my choice or not.
Without technology I wouldn't be able to post my blog or connect to my friends interstate or other wise. You wouldn't be able to do the same thing. Even what seems like simple technology apparently is a must do.
Today at Office works, I was trying to work the self serve photocopier. I am so oblivious to anything and this is where my skills let me down. Sometimes I think it would be easier to have my husband go where I go then I wouldn't feel so stupid. Then again it certainly sets me up for being stupid if I have my husband with me...any how...I had to photocopy some documents, it took for ever just to get the thing to start (I suppose I should be laughing at myself) when it eventually did start for me, I was getting aggitated by hearing the printer work but not seeing the paper come out. Well I was really starting to become sore at this piece of technology so I printed again. Still no paper, so I did it again complaining all time how much I hate technology and it is a waste of time and complain, complain, complain..until I realised, the paper comes out the middle and not the side anymor. Silly, stupid, funny me.
Without technology I wouldn't be able to post my blog or connect to my friends interstate or other wise. You wouldn't be able to do the same thing. Even what seems like simple technology apparently is a must do.
Today at Office works, I was trying to work the self serve photocopier. I am so oblivious to anything and this is where my skills let me down. Sometimes I think it would be easier to have my husband go where I go then I wouldn't feel so stupid. Then again it certainly sets me up for being stupid if I have my husband with me...any how...I had to photocopy some documents, it took for ever just to get the thing to start (I suppose I should be laughing at myself) when it eventually did start for me, I was getting aggitated by hearing the printer work but not seeing the paper come out. Well I was really starting to become sore at this piece of technology so I printed again. Still no paper, so I did it again complaining all time how much I hate technology and it is a waste of time and complain, complain, complain..until I realised, the paper comes out the middle and not the side anymor. Silly, stupid, funny me.
Friday, March 8, 2013
8 days
Only 8 days and counting till my life may never be the same again. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. This play of mine has become so big, I don't know what to expect.
It was suppose to be an audience of 100 and now it has become more like 200 - 300 in size. I mean, bring it on, I love an audience but it is kind of overwhelming. I'm not sure if I am prepared for what lies ahead.
Maybe I don't have as much vision as my director. Maybe I am nervous about the outcome. It might be the best play some people have seen. It also might be the worst but it's my play and I believe in it. To have absolute faith in something is a big thing. I just hope the story relays to the audience. My humble little play to be put on the world stage is massive.
I take it all on board though. My goal was to write something which kept my friend and me in acting work. It has taken 3 years to get it to this point and now we got there. The question is though, will it create more acting opportunities for us. We will just have to see.
A lot can happen in this week, so bring it on and I'll keep my head up and will go for it. At least I can say, 'I DID IT'! Whatever happens from next week it up to God, fate, destiny and my own will and the will of the others whom might be interested in my outcome.
It was suppose to be an audience of 100 and now it has become more like 200 - 300 in size. I mean, bring it on, I love an audience but it is kind of overwhelming. I'm not sure if I am prepared for what lies ahead.
Maybe I don't have as much vision as my director. Maybe I am nervous about the outcome. It might be the best play some people have seen. It also might be the worst but it's my play and I believe in it. To have absolute faith in something is a big thing. I just hope the story relays to the audience. My humble little play to be put on the world stage is massive.
I take it all on board though. My goal was to write something which kept my friend and me in acting work. It has taken 3 years to get it to this point and now we got there. The question is though, will it create more acting opportunities for us. We will just have to see.
A lot can happen in this week, so bring it on and I'll keep my head up and will go for it. At least I can say, 'I DID IT'! Whatever happens from next week it up to God, fate, destiny and my own will and the will of the others whom might be interested in my outcome.
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