Hey I just want to thank the people who veiw my blog. I don't know who you are but I am glad you stop by on our journey to maybe some other page but still click on mine.Thank you to all my readers in Europe, America and Canada, with the occasional Aussie in there.
Now I am not sure how many of you actually read my words completely or you just brouse but I am grateful for you stopping by. It'd be great to have you as friends, so feel free to send an email to the blog and we can go from there.
At the moment my time on Julia is low because of my play coming up. Only 16 more days! How nervous am I?! Make or break time baby! But after the play, I plan to spend more time on my blog and getting it all prettied up.
Again, thank you to the people who stop by to read Julia. It is probably a pretty obsure title for a blog but a least you check it out. I also hope my topics and what I write about are interesting enough to be worth the stop over.
Well until the next time (maybe in a couple of days) bye for now. Lizz
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
No real title
Is my life worth commentating on? Do people really want to know what I get up to or what I have to say? What makes me even think for a moment I am contributing to the world by what I share?
I feel like I should keep my feelings close to my chest like a card player who doesn't want his opponents knowing what he has in his hand for fear of losing the card game.
One of my fears in this life is turning out like my mum. Now my mum is not a horrible person by any means. The thing with my mum was, she shared all too much. If she had an ailment, she would let the world know. Her health wasn't the greatest but I feel she wore it like a badge of honour. I can still visualise the awkward silence before comment of, 'that's not good' from her listener. When they probably were wishing to say something else. Where do people go with that sort of information? How should they respond? It was almost unfair of her to burden her listener with such information but she just wanted to be heard. She wanted someone to care enough to show they thought she was important.
My mum had 5 kids and not a lot of time for herself. I am sure she didn't cope but felt she couldn't share with her woe of motherhood. And lets face it. A kids life is a pretty easy life in some respects. The get fed, clothed, housed. When they are sick, they have someone to get them through the illness. Their tears get wiped away, nose gets blown and they have a protecter when they get scared.
What did my mum have? For most of my Mum's life she was a bit of a slave with not much in return. I was a bit of a shit. I never really gave my mum any respite, nor did my siblings. We pretty much expected mum to do it all. Is it any wonder she let her illness's be a way to get attention?
Unfortunately, this aliment attention runs in the family and don't we love to share. My family is following in her footsteps just slightly. We like to share what medically we are going through. This somewhat repells me.
Maybe this is why I write. I want people to feel I have something to say because I want them to know I am important or I am worth hearing. Blah, Blah, Blah. Please, I am no more important than the next person. I say this to myself.
I have been researching the last couple of days the problem I am facing and asked a friend if she might have any information. There is way too much information on my problem. However, she could not find any complete info on the subject but next thing my ailment is being shared as a general conversation.
I couldn't help but feel some distain from the listener, not on purpose but just a general sense. It could all be in my mind but I started to feel somewhat sad. I could see my mother's senario. She'd share and a wall would go up between her and her listener.
As the conversation went on, my anxiety began to rise and I felt like I shared too much. Of course, the dialogue in my head was, 'why did you bother saying anything? They don't care' or 'Gosh, I am sure they want to be anywhere else but here listening to you' or 'Not something else'.
I believe we should share our burdens with our friends and I believe we need to reach out for help when needed. Me though, I don't actually follow that rule. I have confided in some friends but I find it hard to share my deepest feelings and thoughts because how do you start that conversation up? How do you begin? I have no idea how to bring that sort of subject up. So I end up living in my silence. Great role model for my daughters hey?
When I was leaving today I felt depressed. I don't want to share like my Mum shared. To have that sigh or that awkward silence before comment. It is not something I am prepared experience anymore. Maybe it's pride, maybe it's just my imagination but it is real to me. I am not that important that people should have to listen to anything I have to share. Yes, it seperates me from the crowd but at least they will feel more comfortable in the knowledge I am not going to continually tell them about all the problems I am having. I will be selective in what I say and what I give.
That is just the way it has to be. No one really wants to think that Lizz is anything but a happy go lucky sort of person. It is the way they have thought about me for a long time now, so I will continue to let them think I am a person who is happy and consistant and well adjusted and nothing fazes me. No point changing now. It's not all bad though. At least I am reliable and people will feel they can share with me what they are experiencing with out the threat of me being anything but a good friend and listener. It's just the way life goes and is.
I feel like I should keep my feelings close to my chest like a card player who doesn't want his opponents knowing what he has in his hand for fear of losing the card game.
One of my fears in this life is turning out like my mum. Now my mum is not a horrible person by any means. The thing with my mum was, she shared all too much. If she had an ailment, she would let the world know. Her health wasn't the greatest but I feel she wore it like a badge of honour. I can still visualise the awkward silence before comment of, 'that's not good' from her listener. When they probably were wishing to say something else. Where do people go with that sort of information? How should they respond? It was almost unfair of her to burden her listener with such information but she just wanted to be heard. She wanted someone to care enough to show they thought she was important.
My mum had 5 kids and not a lot of time for herself. I am sure she didn't cope but felt she couldn't share with her woe of motherhood. And lets face it. A kids life is a pretty easy life in some respects. The get fed, clothed, housed. When they are sick, they have someone to get them through the illness. Their tears get wiped away, nose gets blown and they have a protecter when they get scared.
What did my mum have? For most of my Mum's life she was a bit of a slave with not much in return. I was a bit of a shit. I never really gave my mum any respite, nor did my siblings. We pretty much expected mum to do it all. Is it any wonder she let her illness's be a way to get attention?
Unfortunately, this aliment attention runs in the family and don't we love to share. My family is following in her footsteps just slightly. We like to share what medically we are going through. This somewhat repells me.
Maybe this is why I write. I want people to feel I have something to say because I want them to know I am important or I am worth hearing. Blah, Blah, Blah. Please, I am no more important than the next person. I say this to myself.
I have been researching the last couple of days the problem I am facing and asked a friend if she might have any information. There is way too much information on my problem. However, she could not find any complete info on the subject but next thing my ailment is being shared as a general conversation.
I couldn't help but feel some distain from the listener, not on purpose but just a general sense. It could all be in my mind but I started to feel somewhat sad. I could see my mother's senario. She'd share and a wall would go up between her and her listener.
As the conversation went on, my anxiety began to rise and I felt like I shared too much. Of course, the dialogue in my head was, 'why did you bother saying anything? They don't care' or 'Gosh, I am sure they want to be anywhere else but here listening to you' or 'Not something else'.
I believe we should share our burdens with our friends and I believe we need to reach out for help when needed. Me though, I don't actually follow that rule. I have confided in some friends but I find it hard to share my deepest feelings and thoughts because how do you start that conversation up? How do you begin? I have no idea how to bring that sort of subject up. So I end up living in my silence. Great role model for my daughters hey?
When I was leaving today I felt depressed. I don't want to share like my Mum shared. To have that sigh or that awkward silence before comment. It is not something I am prepared experience anymore. Maybe it's pride, maybe it's just my imagination but it is real to me. I am not that important that people should have to listen to anything I have to share. Yes, it seperates me from the crowd but at least they will feel more comfortable in the knowledge I am not going to continually tell them about all the problems I am having. I will be selective in what I say and what I give.
That is just the way it has to be. No one really wants to think that Lizz is anything but a happy go lucky sort of person. It is the way they have thought about me for a long time now, so I will continue to let them think I am a person who is happy and consistant and well adjusted and nothing fazes me. No point changing now. It's not all bad though. At least I am reliable and people will feel they can share with me what they are experiencing with out the threat of me being anything but a good friend and listener. It's just the way life goes and is.
Friday, February 15, 2013
4 weeks to go!!
Yes that's right! Only 4 more weeks till my play is brought before Sydney and possible the world. The emotion is a mixture of excitement, nerves, fear and uncertainty. I feel sick yet elated and fearful yet antisipation for the outcome.
There is a bit on the line here and not just for me. I am glad I am not going through this alone. My play is just the first act. The second act follows with some very amazing talent. If all goes well, these performers will be on their way to a successful future or at least, more work. If not so well, I just hope the audience and maybe some of the casting directors will see past my play and take notice of these up and coming talented performers.
I am praying God prepares my heart for whatever comes out of this play for me and He would bless the other performers too. In some way I feel I am responsible for the show and it's outcome. Which is somewhat rediculous. The audiences makes or breaks a show and my play might not be to everyone cup of tea. I hope it is welcomed well and the whole show goes of with a bang.
However, it is my play that has bought this show together. Which is why I feel somehow responsible for the success of the other performers.
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The show has become rather large. I was only expecting maybe just a little boutique performance with the number of the audience only being 100. It has become 3 times biger and I am not sure if I am ready for it. But thats what makes it so amazing for me.
Whether you believe in God or just the saying of 'the universe', I think it's a metephore for me to take on board. If I can dream 100, why not dream 300. The potencial is there. I may think my play is little and humble but if I am prepared to go with it, my dream can take me way behond all that I could imagine.
Remember, if you are in Sydney come and check it out. We are now setting the task of selling tickets. A show is not a show without an audience. I do know we have at least 2 in the audience. My friend just bought 2 tickets, so yeah, we at least have someone watching but we need way more.
It will be a great show and the chance to be back on stage is the absolute bomb for me. 4 weeks and counting.
There is a bit on the line here and not just for me. I am glad I am not going through this alone. My play is just the first act. The second act follows with some very amazing talent. If all goes well, these performers will be on their way to a successful future or at least, more work. If not so well, I just hope the audience and maybe some of the casting directors will see past my play and take notice of these up and coming talented performers.
I am praying God prepares my heart for whatever comes out of this play for me and He would bless the other performers too. In some way I feel I am responsible for the show and it's outcome. Which is somewhat rediculous. The audiences makes or breaks a show and my play might not be to everyone cup of tea. I hope it is welcomed well and the whole show goes of with a bang.
However, it is my play that has bought this show together. Which is why I feel somehow responsible for the success of the other performers.
.jpg)
Whether you believe in God or just the saying of 'the universe', I think it's a metephore for me to take on board. If I can dream 100, why not dream 300. The potencial is there. I may think my play is little and humble but if I am prepared to go with it, my dream can take me way behond all that I could imagine.
Remember, if you are in Sydney come and check it out. We are now setting the task of selling tickets. A show is not a show without an audience. I do know we have at least 2 in the audience. My friend just bought 2 tickets, so yeah, we at least have someone watching but we need way more.
It will be a great show and the chance to be back on stage is the absolute bomb for me. 4 weeks and counting.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
What do I want?
How many times have I heard myself ask me this, 'what do you want'? I think I would (as cliche as it sounds) be a very wealthy women. It is even one of the lines in my play. I remember hearing one of the most amazing public speakers ask the same thing. Rick Goings asks a bunch of Nutrimetics women at their annual convention, 'What do you want your life to look like'?
Yesterday I began to ask myself this. With much more intensity in the question. What is it that I want?
In recent times I have joined survey groups, looked at online money generating programs and programs about how I can become an earning machine without going any further than my own office chair.
In no way do I mock such money making tools because I am one of the many looking for an answer to the finacial questions. Plus there are many people who are gratefully reaping in the rewards of such programs. I also am hoping I will see the benefit of such a good income. I just have one question for myself though, 'is it really what I want'?
Now of course I want finacial freedom. Who doesn't in this day and age. There is so much woe when it comes to money. Whether I have just enough or breaking even or not quite there or always being behind and never seeing an end to the bills mounting up, the money problem still exists.
The beginning of the year for my family is always an expensive time. There seems to be one bill after the other and it keeps coming. That is the reason why I am investing in money making programs. The question for me though is, 'is this what I want'? Let me just say again though, I do want to be one of those people who generate an income from the internet but I can honestly say, it is not the core of what I really want.
Sometimes I see myself looking down. I feel like I am hovering over me looking at what I am doing or what I want to do. I become the observer of my own life rather than the participater. I see me trying to move in the direction I want to go but never really moving from the spot I am standing. That frightens me because time continues and I am missing the part which I am be to be involved in.
My last post was all about me becoming a writer & an actor There are times when the last thing I want to do is write.
The cost of being a writer isn't that much but price, is very expensive. And if I am sensible I would go back to work and earn a living. Both writing and acting is not big on the money stakes. You don't get paid (to begin with) very much and to so either means sometimes waiting for that final break. The hours are long and so is the waiting. I've been writing and acting off and on for most of my life. Out of the 2, acting has been more profitable. But in 44 years of trying to 'make it' I have earned about $5000. Those odds suck.
The thing is though, when I asked myself that question of what I want to do, it was without a doubt, 'Be a writer'. What's funny is, I have waited so long in my life to even be recognised, I can wait a little longer to see the reward of my efforts. I WANT TO BE A WRITER AND I WANT TO BE AN ACTOR.
Too many times I have let my dream pass and dismissed it in my life but I really do want to be a writer and I really do want to act and I do really want to be good at what I do and be taken seriously in this chosen craft.
I don't proclaim I am the best or that I should be up there with Dench, Streep & Depp but I do want it to be part of my life. If I bomb out, then I bomb out. If I suck at it, I suck at it, it won't stop me from writing or acting no matter how big or small. I will continue to do it because I love it.
Getting back to my hopeful money making programs, I believe it can work to my benifit. Not everyone will see my blog and so I could luck out there when I continually put the 'Click here' button but as long as I am still writing then that's ok too: money or no money. Plus I am still being a writer and I am still seeing my dreams come to existance by every entry I put on this blog. I am a writer! Doesn't matter how much or how little, I am writing and that is all that matters to me. I may be missing out on the money side of things but when you do what you love, money is just a bonus.
I worry a little though. My worry is running out of things to write about or commentate.
Next year I hopefully will be in Paris learning about how to write my Memoirs. I have wanted to join this group for the last 2 or 3 years. I pine to be on this trip. The trip to Paris is all part of the journey for me in being a writer and in someway I feel it will cement my passion for writing, so of course money is all part of getting there. At the bottom of this page is a link to becoming a writer. It is worth taking a look at if you also want to be a writer and have had a hard time trying to find the right door to your writing dream.
I'm still have a long way to go with my writing too. I feel I have still so much to learn with writing and all that goes into it. I've got lots of unfinished works to get through too and am keen to see them published one day. This is why I am inviting you to check out this program which will get you on your way.
Click here to find out how you can become a writer too.
PS if you want to write your memoirs a good text book is by Patti Miller, 'Writing your life. A journey of discovery' she gives you the right tools to use with your memoirs.
.
Yesterday I began to ask myself this. With much more intensity in the question. What is it that I want?
In recent times I have joined survey groups, looked at online money generating programs and programs about how I can become an earning machine without going any further than my own office chair.
In no way do I mock such money making tools because I am one of the many looking for an answer to the finacial questions. Plus there are many people who are gratefully reaping in the rewards of such programs. I also am hoping I will see the benefit of such a good income. I just have one question for myself though, 'is it really what I want'?
Now of course I want finacial freedom. Who doesn't in this day and age. There is so much woe when it comes to money. Whether I have just enough or breaking even or not quite there or always being behind and never seeing an end to the bills mounting up, the money problem still exists.
The beginning of the year for my family is always an expensive time. There seems to be one bill after the other and it keeps coming. That is the reason why I am investing in money making programs. The question for me though is, 'is this what I want'? Let me just say again though, I do want to be one of those people who generate an income from the internet but I can honestly say, it is not the core of what I really want.
Sometimes I see myself looking down. I feel like I am hovering over me looking at what I am doing or what I want to do. I become the observer of my own life rather than the participater. I see me trying to move in the direction I want to go but never really moving from the spot I am standing. That frightens me because time continues and I am missing the part which I am be to be involved in.
My last post was all about me becoming a writer & an actor There are times when the last thing I want to do is write.
The cost of being a writer isn't that much but price, is very expensive. And if I am sensible I would go back to work and earn a living. Both writing and acting is not big on the money stakes. You don't get paid (to begin with) very much and to so either means sometimes waiting for that final break. The hours are long and so is the waiting. I've been writing and acting off and on for most of my life. Out of the 2, acting has been more profitable. But in 44 years of trying to 'make it' I have earned about $5000. Those odds suck.
The thing is though, when I asked myself that question of what I want to do, it was without a doubt, 'Be a writer'. What's funny is, I have waited so long in my life to even be recognised, I can wait a little longer to see the reward of my efforts. I WANT TO BE A WRITER AND I WANT TO BE AN ACTOR.
Too many times I have let my dream pass and dismissed it in my life but I really do want to be a writer and I really do want to act and I do really want to be good at what I do and be taken seriously in this chosen craft.
I don't proclaim I am the best or that I should be up there with Dench, Streep & Depp but I do want it to be part of my life. If I bomb out, then I bomb out. If I suck at it, I suck at it, it won't stop me from writing or acting no matter how big or small. I will continue to do it because I love it.
Getting back to my hopeful money making programs, I believe it can work to my benifit. Not everyone will see my blog and so I could luck out there when I continually put the 'Click here' button but as long as I am still writing then that's ok too: money or no money. Plus I am still being a writer and I am still seeing my dreams come to existance by every entry I put on this blog. I am a writer! Doesn't matter how much or how little, I am writing and that is all that matters to me. I may be missing out on the money side of things but when you do what you love, money is just a bonus.
I worry a little though. My worry is running out of things to write about or commentate.
Next year I hopefully will be in Paris learning about how to write my Memoirs. I have wanted to join this group for the last 2 or 3 years. I pine to be on this trip. The trip to Paris is all part of the journey for me in being a writer and in someway I feel it will cement my passion for writing, so of course money is all part of getting there. At the bottom of this page is a link to becoming a writer. It is worth taking a look at if you also want to be a writer and have had a hard time trying to find the right door to your writing dream.
I'm still have a long way to go with my writing too. I feel I have still so much to learn with writing and all that goes into it. I've got lots of unfinished works to get through too and am keen to see them published one day. This is why I am inviting you to check out this program which will get you on your way.
Click here to find out how you can become a writer too.
PS if you want to write your memoirs a good text book is by Patti Miller, 'Writing your life. A journey of discovery' she gives you the right tools to use with your memoirs.
.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Got stuff here
By now you have all pretty much worked out I want to be a writer. I've wanted to be a writer since I was 8 or 9. My mother asked what all mothers ask, 'What do you want to do when you grow up'? Straight up, I boldly said, 'A writer'. No flinch or hesitation. I knew what I wanted. I also wanted to be an actor.
Now I don't proclaim I am good at either of them but I love to put down pros (as bad as they may be) and I take any opportunity to act. They are things I have wanted to do since I can remember. I am blessed to say I have had my fair share at doing both. Currently I am in the end stages (excuse the pun) of performing in a play I wrote. It's all very exciting!! In just over 1 month, my first contempary play will be on stage.
Now this could be the end for me and a possible career if people don't like it or I do a really bad job...but to have it put on and for it to be out there, that is excitement!! My director likes it and I have had a ball at writing and now I get to perform it in front of an audience. And to me it doesn't matter too much if there is no warm reception, just to do what I love is all that matters. Plus I think it is a good play with loads of promise.
I have to let you know though, my web'blog will be changing somewhat.
Blame it on Julia will be changing just slightly. Got stuff here means I am going to be having on my blog some links to products you might be interested in looking at. Hey if you want to be a writer and or an actor, it might be worth looking at them. I just wanted to be honest with you. The few or five which do check out my blog will appreciate the things I present. There are a few other things I am into too, so I will only post stuff of which I am interested in and like doing myself. There is no use me writing or promoting something like 'Sky diving' if I wouldn't do it myself or have no idea about such matters.
Some of the other things I may write about and promote would be things on cooking/food/wine. I have worked most of my working life in the hospitality industry and love different foods and wine and so on. I also am inclined to look at languages or French rather. I am learning how to speak French so I will work my way up to such a subject..not just yet though.
I wanted to be open with you and let you in on what's going on with my blog. So if you see things such as 'Click here', don't let them scare you off because I love having people like yourself check out 'Blame it on Julia' and what I'm up to, on the page, so if you want to invested in these things too, don't hesitate to check them out.
.jpg)
One last thing on the subject, if you do check out any of the 'Click here' on my blog, there may be a chance you might get a cookie. Hubby says I have to be up front about all things when it comes to what I put on my page.
Click here to check out this program on becoming a writer.
Hopefully I will get some chance to catch up with some of you from any comments you would like to share. It would be great to have a whole new lot of friends too.
Love lizz
PS thought you'll get a kick out of my flyer for my play
so if any of you are in Australia or residents of Sydney come and see...it's going to be great!! I am the one with the orange scarf.
Now I don't proclaim I am good at either of them but I love to put down pros (as bad as they may be) and I take any opportunity to act. They are things I have wanted to do since I can remember. I am blessed to say I have had my fair share at doing both. Currently I am in the end stages (excuse the pun) of performing in a play I wrote. It's all very exciting!! In just over 1 month, my first contempary play will be on stage.
Now this could be the end for me and a possible career if people don't like it or I do a really bad job...but to have it put on and for it to be out there, that is excitement!! My director likes it and I have had a ball at writing and now I get to perform it in front of an audience. And to me it doesn't matter too much if there is no warm reception, just to do what I love is all that matters. Plus I think it is a good play with loads of promise.
I have to let you know though, my web'blog will be changing somewhat.
Blame it on Julia will be changing just slightly. Got stuff here means I am going to be having on my blog some links to products you might be interested in looking at. Hey if you want to be a writer and or an actor, it might be worth looking at them. I just wanted to be honest with you. The few or five which do check out my blog will appreciate the things I present. There are a few other things I am into too, so I will only post stuff of which I am interested in and like doing myself. There is no use me writing or promoting something like 'Sky diving' if I wouldn't do it myself or have no idea about such matters.
Some of the other things I may write about and promote would be things on cooking/food/wine. I have worked most of my working life in the hospitality industry and love different foods and wine and so on. I also am inclined to look at languages or French rather. I am learning how to speak French so I will work my way up to such a subject..not just yet though.
I wanted to be open with you and let you in on what's going on with my blog. So if you see things such as 'Click here', don't let them scare you off because I love having people like yourself check out 'Blame it on Julia' and what I'm up to, on the page, so if you want to invested in these things too, don't hesitate to check them out.
.jpg)
One last thing on the subject, if you do check out any of the 'Click here' on my blog, there may be a chance you might get a cookie. Hubby says I have to be up front about all things when it comes to what I put on my page.Click here to check out this program on becoming a writer.
Hopefully I will get some chance to catch up with some of you from any comments you would like to share. It would be great to have a whole new lot of friends too.
Love lizz
PS thought you'll get a kick out of my flyer for my play
so if any of you are in Australia or residents of Sydney come and see...it's going to be great!! I am the one with the orange scarf.
Change is good.
I remember when I was nine, change frightened the life out of me and I resented my father for it.
As we pulled away in the car from the home I loved and the familiar surroundings I had come to know, his soothing words for this little girl were (a bit foggy on the exact wording) 'change happens, get used to it'. Blunt and unfeeling. I was devestated. He didn't know how much it hurt and how much it scared me to change my life like that. I was only a little girl.
As I sit and blog away I am drawn to my own daughter's experience and how hard it has been to ajust to our new life in Sydney. It's been over 5 years now and she has settled down but when I think about my own experience to her experiences, I see how hard it really is for such a little person to cope with.
I feel somewhat ashamed because I think as a parent we have to offer a solution to the fears of our kids. I ashamed because I wonder if I myself handle her regret with cold and unfeeling comments. It's not easy seeing them go through so much. Is there really a solution to such problems. Now I know I wasn't hard on her, but how did she see how I have responded to her regret? Will she be the cycle of parenting to come? Will she answer her own childrens fears with cold and unfeeling response or will she swoop them under her wings and comfort them?
It has been a hard road for all of us. I like to think I was a more empathetic to my girls needs. It has been an anxious time for us all. There have been tears and prayers and sleepless nights over the 5 years. I have tried to sooth all her concerns. Then there have been times where I am ready to pull my hair out because it has frustrated me trying to figure out how to make it better for her.
The problem for me has been, I want to be here. I am excited we moved here to Sydney. It is so full of art and opportunity and diversity. My blood and heart pump really fast. It is adrenalin for me. Not so my family. Although my youngest has adapted quite well. Sydney is all she has really known. This is her home. Now however she is talking about moving back to Adelaide.
Adelaide is a beautiful city. It is my home. Moving away was hard for me. I had to give up my circle of community. My family which all live in Adelaide. I also had to give up all that I had known for 38 years. What was different for me was, I was ready for Sydney. I was ready for change. I saw it as an adventure and a new chapter in my life. I also felt excited for my husband and for my family. It still is exciting for me.
All the herdles have been hard and high but I see the change as a good thing for the first time in my life. It is still a herdle every other day. I just got to make my family as comfortable as possible even in their state of regret.
My older daughter has settle down but still pines for Adelaide. My husband pines for the simpler life he had and my youngest, she's happy but misses the opportunity to get to know and see her family in Adelaide. I miss everyone but I feel settle here and I have seen how change has happened in Adelaide too. Change is good. It can make us grow. It can turn on us too but what an adventure I am having. I just have to show my girls & my man when we are a family going through change, as long as we are together with all the things that come our way, change really is something to grasp and hold onto. For me, change is hard. I never liked it as a kid but I embrace it and go with it now.
As we pulled away in the car from the home I loved and the familiar surroundings I had come to know, his soothing words for this little girl were (a bit foggy on the exact wording) 'change happens, get used to it'. Blunt and unfeeling. I was devestated. He didn't know how much it hurt and how much it scared me to change my life like that. I was only a little girl.
As I sit and blog away I am drawn to my own daughter's experience and how hard it has been to ajust to our new life in Sydney. It's been over 5 years now and she has settled down but when I think about my own experience to her experiences, I see how hard it really is for such a little person to cope with.
I feel somewhat ashamed because I think as a parent we have to offer a solution to the fears of our kids. I ashamed because I wonder if I myself handle her regret with cold and unfeeling comments. It's not easy seeing them go through so much. Is there really a solution to such problems. Now I know I wasn't hard on her, but how did she see how I have responded to her regret? Will she be the cycle of parenting to come? Will she answer her own childrens fears with cold and unfeeling response or will she swoop them under her wings and comfort them?
It has been a hard road for all of us. I like to think I was a more empathetic to my girls needs. It has been an anxious time for us all. There have been tears and prayers and sleepless nights over the 5 years. I have tried to sooth all her concerns. Then there have been times where I am ready to pull my hair out because it has frustrated me trying to figure out how to make it better for her.
The problem for me has been, I want to be here. I am excited we moved here to Sydney. It is so full of art and opportunity and diversity. My blood and heart pump really fast. It is adrenalin for me. Not so my family. Although my youngest has adapted quite well. Sydney is all she has really known. This is her home. Now however she is talking about moving back to Adelaide.
Adelaide is a beautiful city. It is my home. Moving away was hard for me. I had to give up my circle of community. My family which all live in Adelaide. I also had to give up all that I had known for 38 years. What was different for me was, I was ready for Sydney. I was ready for change. I saw it as an adventure and a new chapter in my life. I also felt excited for my husband and for my family. It still is exciting for me.
All the herdles have been hard and high but I see the change as a good thing for the first time in my life. It is still a herdle every other day. I just got to make my family as comfortable as possible even in their state of regret.
My older daughter has settle down but still pines for Adelaide. My husband pines for the simpler life he had and my youngest, she's happy but misses the opportunity to get to know and see her family in Adelaide. I miss everyone but I feel settle here and I have seen how change has happened in Adelaide too. Change is good. It can make us grow. It can turn on us too but what an adventure I am having. I just have to show my girls & my man when we are a family going through change, as long as we are together with all the things that come our way, change really is something to grasp and hold onto. For me, change is hard. I never liked it as a kid but I embrace it and go with it now.
Friday, February 8, 2013
And stepping up to the plate.....
Yes it's that time again to step up. It has been over a month since I have blogged. And confession time, well over a month since I've done any walking. It took nearly a week before I could move freely about. My body was absolutely broken from my 30 k walk. It was amazing I even got off the bus. Which is funny in itself. The bus driver the next day had to wait well over 2 minutes for me to even get to the front of the bus and then an extra 1 for me to step onto the path. He was very patient I will say.
The night of my rest in the city, I could hardly get of the bed and my sleep was a marithon in itself. I laugh though because once my body shut down, it took a while to do the simplist of things. I heard myself used the phrase, 'you know your getting old when....'
This all being said, I would do it again and I feel I need to. I put down I was going to walk to Sydney and I am. The walk showed me, when I put my mind to I can achieve great things. Now in the eyes of some walking to Sydney might not be the most inspirational or noble things a person can do but to me it is about doing what I said I would do.
Lets face it, if one brags about doing stuff, then one better stand up to the plate. It also broke a pattern for me. Walking to Sydney was more about the fulfilment of the task ahead and seeing it through. I just had to see it through. I just had to break a way of thinking I have gotten so used to for so long and I am proud of myself for doing it. In fact I have to pinch myself to even believe it sometimes.
Now it is time to get back to it. Today I went back to it. I said I wanted to do it for my birthday. It is only 8 - 10 weeks till I am 44 and I have to get back to my training. I will see it through. I didn't get to Sydney the last time. I fell short 5-8 klms, so I have to finish the job. Just watch me. There are too many things on my bucket list and I have too many eyes upon me to give up now. So my birthday is on a Friday and I want to celebrate my birthday and my achievement for finishing the task. Again I invite you on my journey. For all the people who read this blog (all 5 of you hehehehe) please come with me again. It was a real buzz having you encourage me by you reading what I have written and I feel I had the world with me.
love you all
Lizz
The night of my rest in the city, I could hardly get of the bed and my sleep was a marithon in itself. I laugh though because once my body shut down, it took a while to do the simplist of things. I heard myself used the phrase, 'you know your getting old when....'
This all being said, I would do it again and I feel I need to. I put down I was going to walk to Sydney and I am. The walk showed me, when I put my mind to I can achieve great things. Now in the eyes of some walking to Sydney might not be the most inspirational or noble things a person can do but to me it is about doing what I said I would do.
Lets face it, if one brags about doing stuff, then one better stand up to the plate. It also broke a pattern for me. Walking to Sydney was more about the fulfilment of the task ahead and seeing it through. I just had to see it through. I just had to break a way of thinking I have gotten so used to for so long and I am proud of myself for doing it. In fact I have to pinch myself to even believe it sometimes.
Now it is time to get back to it. Today I went back to it. I said I wanted to do it for my birthday. It is only 8 - 10 weeks till I am 44 and I have to get back to my training. I will see it through. I didn't get to Sydney the last time. I fell short 5-8 klms, so I have to finish the job. Just watch me. There are too many things on my bucket list and I have too many eyes upon me to give up now. So my birthday is on a Friday and I want to celebrate my birthday and my achievement for finishing the task. Again I invite you on my journey. For all the people who read this blog (all 5 of you hehehehe) please come with me again. It was a real buzz having you encourage me by you reading what I have written and I feel I had the world with me.
love you all
Lizz
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