A day to rejoice!!!

I actually want to go back to bed and start the day again.  My mood is somewhat melancholy to the point of sadness.  It should be a day to rejoice.  Jesus is alive! This should be enough to raise ones spirit but I am not rejoicing.  I feel yuk.  My cloak of trivial sadness is heavy and unwanted but I can not shift it or remove it.  It is too snug.
What I hate about my cloak is, it is somewhat comfortable. I don't want to take it off yet I wish it was off because I don't seem to function.  My interest in doing anything is limited and I want to stay in one spot like the chair or the bed. 
My mind is clouded and compressed.  It feels like I have a headache but with out the pain.  I want this day to be different.  I need to get out of this house even for 1 hour. Just to clear my head or feel like I am feeling.
There is so much to be celebrating today.  It's Easter! But I can't shake this feeling of inadequate sensation. Everything is moving about me but I stay still and don't get out of my spot. I am so aware of my own emotion and the emotion fears with in me arise.
A sense of failure is looming.  My husband is cleaning the car out.  One daughter is cleaning the dishes, the other is sitting with me oblivious to my inner commotion.  I feel I should be doing something or be judged by myself from doing nothing.
You are probably wondering why such blah, blah coming your way.  It's because I need to just do something, write/type it down.  I internalize too much and to share it with my friends (that's you) is a way I can monitor my own emotions.
I told you once before, I find it hard to begin a conversation about how I am feeling.  It is not easy for me just to open up the communication lines with, 'I am feeling....'.  This is the best way I can open up.  To everyone who does read my blog, I would suggest you are reading my diary.  I keep not a lot to myself when I write.  Blame it on Julia is a great way for me to vent and express how I am going and feeling.  As I am communicating all of this on the virtual paper, the cloak is getting a loser and my compressed headache is starting to lift.
I love writing!  It really is changing and altering my sensation of sadness. I am starting to feel I can function and move about.  What is it about this form of craft which can move the state of mind in a different direction.
Maybe now I can begin to focus on what today is all about.  A day to rejoice.  Christ is risen, he is risen indeed.