When?

When do you give up your dream?  When do you move on from what you have wanted all your life?  You see I am struggling with 'do I keep going, do I keep striving for a dream I may never see come to pass'.  Am I living in a fantasy?
My whole life has been about wanting to be an actor.  To be cast in something like a well paying play or TVC or even a movie.  Just to act.  Just to show I can do it, that I have the talent.  I am not saying I have completely missed out.  I have been so honoured to do a few plays here, a couple of commercials and some short  films.  Most of which the editing floor has been where my best work has ended.  He he he. Do I even have a presence about myself that makes casting directors take notice of me?
I kid myself I think. I suppose I am waiting for my 'burning bush' experience.  Me working on set or auditioning for a part or being involved in the play (even my own) and there will be some person who sees me as someone they would put in their play or movie or put me forward for something amazing.  Have I been  deluding myself?  Am I really talented and I haven't been honest with myself?  Surely I have something?
It's funny, I keep saying to myself, 'the only person who thinks I can act is my agent'.  It upsets me that I have travel this road for so long to not get to the end destination would be a total shame.  But in many ways I feel stupid.  All this time I have wasted believing in something that may never really happen.
Part of it isn't me.  My belief in my dreams is no longer for me but for my daughters.  They have to believe if you have a dream to go for it, never to give up on what makes your heart sing.  If they see me give in or not see something fulfilled where does it leave the philosophy?  I want them to have faith in their own aspirations of whatever they choose to be.  I don't want them thinking they will never see their goals fulfilled.
Then there is the other side of the coin.  When is it time to be honest with yourself and move on to a different dream or build another.  Life is amazing!   It surprises us all.  Just when we think it's over, something comes and fills up our cup of all most empty.
Years ago I had a dream of owning my own cafe.  I could see myself having a little breakfast business.  I have worked in the industry since I was 15. Which is most of my life.  And food is something I have always done. However I am way over it.  Food is something I love and I love to cook for people and invent dishes of food but it's not my passion.  Hospitality is something I do when I have to earn money.  Even working in this industry is open to so called casting directors.  Can I do the work?  Am I up to it? Will I work fast? Physically hospitality is not something I can do any more.  From my neck down, I am pretty much stuffed.
just had a little distraction.. my lovely daughters are good at that... fights over who is going to put the cat out.. makes me stop and think about the important things in life and the not so important things... I am smiling at myself and can see, I let matters I have no control over dictate to me how I am feeling... yes I want to act and I want to write and I want to travel to
France to write and the list goes on.. but I cannot control what people think or feel or whether they choose me or am I right for the part.. what I can control or aspire to do is.. be there when called up, never waste an opportunity and keep on dreaming...
also my daughters need to see a fighting spirit... to never give up even when you think it won't happen, life is full of surprises and you can only be present when life gives you the chance to do what you've always wanted to do....

On that note, I will leave it there.. I have monopolised this space long enough..thanks for listening & reading, my greatest and best audience...lizz